Against the wind

This weekend I watched an inexperienced BU sailor capsize his boat on the Charles River as his teammates swirled around him in their own boats, trying to harness the warm Spring gales and avoid a similar fate. I look out at the familiar landscape I've travelled almost everyday for the past 6 months. It feels like only weeks ago I watched swirls of snow dance across the ice river as the pink and purple winter sky enveloped the falling sun in the late afternoon. Now, dogwalkers, children in strollers, runners, all fill the air along the grassy banks of the river with an energy that seems to push open the cherry and apple blossoms; a collective willing of the Spring.

It's been a long road.

After facing a wide-range of challenges over the last few years, I'm not sure anymore if I believe that adversity make you stronger. Everyone likes to say that phrase because it sounds good and logically makes sense. Running against the wind is really difficult, but once the wind stops, it feels so much easier. But when it's really cold out, you can run against the wind for miles, and once you make the turn, the wind may be gone, but you're so cold that you can't really feel anything. That's what I think one challenge after another eventually does to you. You learn to cope better. And by cope, I guess I mean feel less. My life continues on and I feel increasingly numb to adversity. Not that I play turtle and hide when trouble is brewing, it's more like I just put my head down and continue to run into the wind. You come to expect it to be windy all the time.

But if you're accepting of this perpetual headwind, you can find a quicker road to happiness. Sunday morning I was lying in bed with a light breeze blowing through the window and my head on Joe's chest. He had his arm around me and was petting Leo (who is allowed on the bed on Sunday mornings only - we're strict parents) with the other. To me, it was one of those peaceful, still, perfect moments. And maybe I overuse that word now, because perfection seems easier to find when your expectations are lowered. But I would rather find perfection in those simple moments than wait a lifetime for something that will never come.

The only dream worth having is to dream that you will live while you are alive, and die only when you are dead.